Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
