What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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