I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
