My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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