I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
