I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
