are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
