we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
