I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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