can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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