why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
