so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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