I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
