Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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