can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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