my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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