Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
