so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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