I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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