So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize