The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
