he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
