awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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