watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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