i already hear my dad disowning me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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