i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
