We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
