i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
