I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
