apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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