so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
