i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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