Im at strip club and am horny
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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