You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize
