I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
