just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
