wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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