God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.