Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
