I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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