My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
