i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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