You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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