thus making me awesome and them whores
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
