i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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