found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
