things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
