just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
