I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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