Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
