Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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