I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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