Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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