Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
