Got a toothbrush?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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