I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
