After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
