Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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