You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
