She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
