when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
