last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
