if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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