M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
