Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
