can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
