i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
