Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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