went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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